No topic is off limits as Amanda Bynes reflects on her past-sometimes drug-fueled antics in embarrassing detail.
Now drug free for “almost four years ” thanks to her parents’ loving support, Bynes plans to continue her education at L.A.’s Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising.
A former child star on Nickelodeon, Bynes hit with What a Girl Wants taking her mainstream when she then transitioned into films, starring in hits like Big Fat Liar.
Bynes explains that seeing herself with short hair and sideburns was “a super strange and out-of-body encounter,” candidly adding, “It just really put me into a funk.”
When she was cast in 2007’s Hairspray Bynes became fixated on her appearance.
“They were talking about how girls were taking it to remain thin. I was like, ‘Well, I have to get my hands on that.'” Bynes says she faked the symptoms of ADD to be able to receive a prescription and visited a psychiatrist.
In hindsight, Bynes regrets taking the pills-especially considering how it began to impact her job in the spring of 2010.
While “Literally tripping out,” Bynes caught a glimpse of herself on the monitor and believed her arm” Looked so fat.” Unhappy with her look, Bynes rushed off set, never to return.
A few months after she quit Hall Pass, Bynes went to an Easy A screening and says she had “a different reaction than everybody else to the film.”
“I literally couldn’t stand my appearance in that movie and I didn’t like my performance. I was absolutely convinced I needed to stop acting after seeing it. I was high on marijuana when I saw that but for some reason it really started to affect me,” says Bynes, who began smoking weed at age 16.
“I don’t know if it was a drug-induced psychosis or what, but it affected my brain in a different way than it affects other people. It absolutely changed my perception of things.” And so, Bynes announced her retirement on Twitter at age 24.
“Real classy!” Admitting she was “High” and made a “Foolish” mistake, Bynes adds, “I was young and stupid.”
Bynes, who says she “Never liked the taste of alcohol,” eventually began experimenting with drugs like cocaine and ecstasy.
“[I tried] cocaine three times but I never got high from cocaine. It was never my drug of choice,” reveals Bynes, who openly admits she “Definitely abused Adderall.” After she retired from acting, Bynes felt she had “No purpose in life” and lost her way.
“I had a lot of time on my hands and I would ‘wake and bake’ and literally be stoned all day long.” Bynes began “Hanging out with a seedier crowd” and isolated herself from loved ones.
“I got really into my drug usage,” she says, “And it became a really dark, sad world for me.”
“I’m really ashamed and embarrassed with the things I said. I can’t turn back time but if I could, I would. And I’m so sorry to whoever I hurt and whoever I lied about because it truly eats away at me. It makes me feel so horrible and sick to my stomach and sad,” she says.
“It definitely isn’t fun when people diagnose you with what they think you are. That was always really bothersome to me,” she says, while also acknowledging her behavior was “So strange” that she understands why people wanted to make sense of it.
“My advice to anyone who is struggling with substance abuse would be to be really careful because drugs can really take a hold of your life. Everybody is different, obviously, but for me, the mixture of marijuana and whatever other drugs and sometimes drinking really messed up my brain. It really made me a completely different person. I actually am a nice person. I would never feel, say or do any of the things that I did and said to the people I hurt on Twitter. There are gateway drugs-and thankfully I never did heroin or meth or anything like that-but certain things that you think are harmless, they may actually affect you in a more harmful way,” Bynes warns.
“Be really, really careful because you could lose it all and ruin your entire life like I did.”