Officers, Those Drugs Up My Rectum Aren’t Mine.

“Not my drugs.”

Edwin Wylie-Briggs

How many times have we seen people argue, when caught with drugs, that the drugs don’t belong to them? I’m sure if arresting police officers had a dollar for every time they’ve heard that, they could probably retire rich.

If you’ve ever watched an episode of Cops or other similar shows, I know you’ve seen it and heard.

“Officer, I have no idea who those drugs got in my glove carpet. They’re not mine.” “Officer, I have no idea how that marijuana got in my purse. It’s not mine.”
“Officer, I have no idea how those kilos of heroin got in the trunk of my car. They don’t belong to me.” And so on.

Well, a Pennsylvania inmate, serving 2-4 years for possessing heroin with intent to sell, sentenced in 2014, took that “not my drug” statement to a whole other level. A much lower level.

A corrections officer at the prison saw another inmate hand something off to Edwin Wylie-Briggs. So the officer took a private room and did a strip search. When Wylie-Briggs bent over, he saw a clear plastic bag containing a small blue balloon sticking out of Wylie-Briggs rectum. As the officer testified in court.

He asked Wylie-Briggs to remove the bag. It was taken to the lab and tested positive for K2, a form of synthetic marijuana.

But Wylie-Briggs argued the state did not have sufficient evidence the contraband belonged to him. Even after being convicted in the state court with smuggling contraband, he claimed they had no case. The state sentenced Wylie-Briggs to 2-4 additional years.

But still, Wylie-Briggs appealed to the Superior Court! (Taxpayers dollars at work.)

Of course, the Superior Court upheld the conviction and also the sentence handed down by the state court.

Now seriously people. I know every person has a right to their day in court. But to argue that “those aren’t my drugs sticking out of my buttocks?”

As Forest Gump said, ” stupid is as stupid does.” Too bad it cost the Pennsylvania tax papers thousands of dollars for one man’s stupidity.

And oh, but the way, gross!

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Categories: Crime, Uncategorized

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